4/27/11 A NOR'EASTER LASTS THREE DAYS, AND BEING SUED BY A HAM SANDWICH

APRIL SURPRISE

RED MAPLE BLOSSOMS IN A BLIZZARD

TOUGH CROSSING

THE SIGN SAYS IT ALL

Wednesday, 8:00 AM.  32 degrees, wind NE, moderate to blustery.  We had gale force winds yesterday that forced the ferry to use an alternate dock within the city  breakwater, and we now have an accumulation of several inches of slushy snow on lawns and roofs.  The barometer still predicts stormy weather, proving the old adage that “A Nor’easter lasts three days.”
    If you have been perplexed, perhaps humorously, by recent far-left environmentalist statements that animals and plants should have “legal rights,” you either are not old enough to remember the ‘70’s or you slept through a lot of college classes, as this is not a new idea.  But, what is really meant by legal rights? Not being a lawyer, not even having played one on television, I think I can still  offer an explanation.  Lawyers will say it means to “have standing,” the legal right to bring suit or defend oneself from one in a court of law.  In all of human history, that right has been selectively granted; but always to humans alone.  Back in the days of the tie-died shirt and the universal Afro, there was an attempt to broaden the concept to include nature and natural objects, not as things of human concern, but as objects with some sort of human-like individual rights. 
    I rummaged around on my dusty book shelves and dredged up “Should Trees Have Standing,” circa 1974, by Christopher D. Stone, then a professor of law at, where else, the University of Southern California. It pretty well puts forward the present day proposition that nature and its constituents, living and non-living, have human rights.  Of course, since they cannot themselves speak, much less use lawyerly logic, they would have to be represented by human lawyers speaking in their stead.  Just imagine the court scene, all solemn and steeped in tradition, with an opening statement to a legal suit like this; “Your honor, I represent the elm tree on South 92nd St., who brings suit against the resident at number 220  who has neglected to protect it from Dutch Elm Disease.” Or, “I represent the elm tree on South 92nd St., who brings suit against the beetle that bit it, thereby infecting it with Dutch Elm Disease, the co-defendant in this suit.”  Oops, that’s the ‘70’s, nobody remembers DED.  More to the point, how would you like to be sued by your dog Fluffy, for neglecting to take her to the vet twice a year (the suit brought by your busybody neighbor who has hired the lawyer).  Or, how about this scenario; a suit brought to court by the Earth (lawyers hired by the Society for  Sustainability) against Gogebic Mining and the Wisconsin DNR, to prevent the mining of minerals in Iron County, Wisconsin?  That hits a little closer to home and reality, doesn’t it? 
    Please, don’t laugh this threat off, as lunacy abounds in our society like never before, and what was only a nutty idea forty years ago is a serious threat today.  We ignore the crazies at our peril, who would gladly see human society sued back to the stone age, even though they would be the first to perish in some sort of a Green Jihad.  We may any one of us yet suffer the ignominy of being sued by a ham sandwich.