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Monday, February 11, 2013


Saturday, 9:00 AM.  17 degrees F, wind light, variable.  The barometer is trending down at 30.18 in.  The humidity is 85%.  It was another stealth sunrise, apparent only as a gradual increase in daylight, the sun itself still not visible behind the overcast.
    We seem to be in a pattern of murky mornings which morph into clear, blue sky days. The gray quiet of the morning is broken only by the whine of the big red wind sled taking off for Madeline Island.
    I admit to being something of a conspiracy theorist.  I even have  friends who at times calls me that, with some seriousness. 
For instance, I am certain there is a conspiracy by unknown dark forces to make it difficult for me to hear things, as someone or something must be surreptitiously turning down the volume on my TV and telephone.
Then there is the conspiracy that has caused car seat belts to be made shorter and shorter over the years, making it increasingly difficult for me to buckle up. And the truly maddening conspiracy that makes  my pants belt a notch shorter after Christmas.
And why does the price of gasoline go up between the time I see the price at the station and I can go around the block to fill up the truck?
I could go on, but I think you can see that I am no stranger to conspiracies.  Even so, there is news I have just come upon that strains even my capacity to theorize (it is not breaking news, so  you may have heard it before I did)… the Department of Homeland Security has recently purchased two billion rounds of ammunition.  That’s billion, with a B.  That is enough ammunition to shoot every single American six times (and remember, the DHS operates within the U.S., and we have an Army, Navy and Air Force with their own ammunition to carry on wars beyond our borders).  And half those bullets are hollow point bullets, outlawed in warfare between nations.  Unless the DHS cops are absolutely terrible shots, two billion bullets could kill every human being in the Western Hemisphere. Two billion bullets weigh more than three navy destroyers, and would fill 1,800 semi-trailers.  This figure does not include the half a million (give or take a few thousand) bullets purchased by the Social Security Administration. 
Even my fertile imagination can’t come up with a remotely sane theory as to why the Social Security Administration needs bullets, or guns to shoot them from.  Unless they need a Plan B for when the Social Security Trust Fund begins to run out in a few years.
I have been theorizing furiously as to the need for this much deadly force within our own borders. Particularly when the federal government is so concerned about gun violence that it is trying desperately to confiscate the weapons of  law abiding citizens and, yes, limit their access to legal ammunition. 
Now, as to my theory concerning the purchase of two billion bullets by the Department of Homeland Security: I know it sounds absolutely crazy;  I don’t want to say it, and you don’t want to hear it.  But the only theory I can come up with that fits the facts is that the federal government fears, and is preparing for, an armed rebellion by the American people.  And I will be one of the first to hobble to the barricades, where I will wave my cane in defiance at the Washington whippersnappers.
Anyway, that’s my theory…what’s yours? 

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